I'll Mature When I'm Dead

I’ll Mature When I’m Dead: Dave Barry’s Amazing Tales of Adulthood
by Dave Barry
G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 2010. 254 p. Nonfiction

When retirement hits, Dave Barry surprisingly finds himself doing a lot more than he expected—namely activities involving sloth. Let's here it for sloth! But foregoing wisdom and good advice he decides to document his journey through this strange period anyway, through a series of essays dedicated to fatherhood, parenting and general unpleasantries involving highly over-rated medical procedures such as the vasectomy and the colonoscopy. My advice is not to read or listen to this section while eating…seriously.

With his characteristic wit, Dave expounds on the absurdities of Miami, where you can either be mugged during a free shuttle ride from the airport or take the public transit system with a live shark—pick your poison. He regales the crowd with his take on his daughter’s ballet recitals (boring as all get out, except the 3 minutes where she is actually on the stage and he manages to pick her out from the 10 other little girls dressed in just the same way) and the over zealous soccer moms and dads of the peewee league (hot-headed miscreants who are spoiling youth sports for the entire human race). But through it all you will not (or should not) be surprised to find the quintessential bathroom humor he is known for. It’s guaranteed to provide a laugh for many and offend even more and that is precisely why Dave will never be described as mature, even when he’s dead.

DAP