Counting the Cost: A Memoir

Counting the Cost: A Memoir
by Jill Duggar
Gallery Books, 2023. 288 pages. Biography/Memoir 

As a star on the popular TLC reality show 19 Kids and Counting, Jill Duggar grew up in front of viewers who were fascinated by her family's way of life. She was the responsible, second daughter of Jim Bob and Michelle's nineteen kids; always with a baby on her hip and happy to wear the modest ankle-length dresses with throat-high necklines. She didn't protest the strict model of patriarchy that her family followed, which declares that men are superior, that women are expected to be wives and mothers and are discouraged from attaining a higher education, and that parental authority over their children continues well into adulthood, even once they are married. But as Jill got older, married Derick Dillard, and embarked with him on their own lives, the red flags became too obvious to ignore. Theirs is a remarkable story of the power of the truth and is a moving example of how to find healing through honesty. 

Even though I had never watched 19 Kids and Counting and its spin-offs, I was still fascinated by Jill’s story. While this is a highly honest account, it’s not a slash and burn memoir. She holds her brother Josh accountable for the abuse he inflicted on Jill and their sisters, and she also forcefully indicts the authorities who leaked that abuse information to the media. She describes how through extensive therapy, self-reflection, and the support of her husband she learns to set appropriate boundaries with her father and the tv network that controlled so much of her life. The corrupting effect of wealth, power, greed, and secrecy shine through in her account. Yet even after lengthy emotional and legal battles with her parents, Jill’s love and respect for them is clear, and she maintains a deep Christian faith after leaving some of the more fundamentalist aspects of her upbringing behind. This is a measured and self-aware personal story that fans of religious coming-of-age tales, complicated family dramas, and behind-the-scenes celebrity memoirs will enjoy. 

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SGR